Thursday, July 28, 2016
The Profile

Bros abroad: Global Connections on the Jersey Shore

by Brosef Brosinski

Agnes Scott’s esteemed Global Connections study abroad program has taken young, eager students to enriching, beautiful places such as Costa Rica, England, France, India, Ireland, Italy, Japan, Spain and Switzerland. The program has allowed Agnes Scott students to travel the world while gaining a wealth of knowledge and cultural awareness. This year is no different.

Following the tradition of studying the cultures and traditions of historical places, the Agnes Scott College Global Connections program is headed to Jersey Shore this summer! A land rich with fist pumps, hair- spray, and fake tans, the Scotties who embark on this trip will be par- taking in a completely unique experi- ence.

Yeah buddy.

The students will live in the in- famous shore house in Seaside Heights, New Jersey. They will spend the entire summer with eight rambunctious, wild, Italian room- mates; The Situation, Sammi Sweet- heart, Pauly D, Snooki, Deena, J-Woww, Ronnie, and Vinny. The students will be required to at- tend Karma Night Club every night. They will learn how to hook-up with hot Guido-gorilla-juiceheads and how to avoid the grenades. They will wake up everyday at three in the afternoon, fight through their hang- overs, and proceed to GTL.

GTL includes working out at the gym, tanning in the salon, and taking your laundry to the cleaners. Being buff, being really orange, and wearing clean clothes are the key aspects of being a Guidette. But the students will do more than just party and tan all summer; to incorporate hard work and responsibility into their new found party lifestyles, they will be required to work in a t-shirt shop once a week for one to two hours.

In their Global Connections class which the students take in order to gain information about the place they will be traveling to, the students have been learning how to be the ultimate Guidettes! They have been learning the exact amount of hairspray needed to attain the proper Snooki “poof” and how many pounds of bronzer to apply before going out. They have been learning exactly how many sizes too small to purchase their clothing, so the Guidos can see that they are sexy and DTF.

They will learn the proper self defense mechanisms to protect themselves in the girl fights that are sure to ensue in the house. The professor accompanying the students on their trip will be Professor Schmrig. He is very excited to be apart of this cultural experience and be getting back to his Italian roots! Sort of.

He’s even stated, “I get first dibs on the smush room!” In this foreign land the students who partake in the Global Connections program Summer 2012 will gain the experience of a lifetime at the Jersey Shore! They will learn the customs and traditions of this rare culture and have to adapt to a new way of life, hundreds of miles away.

If you are confused by this shocking news, you should probably check this update, (from APRIL FIRST) out. 

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